Perseverance or Stupidity?

How is it that many couples from my high school class have been married 35+ years, while others have tried and tried again, without success?

Contrary to vows of commitment to marriage forever...no matter how strongly you believe in it...staying together is the decision of two people. Parting company takes only one decision. All marriages have bumpy times. Some couples grow together along the same path becoming closer as the years go by, while others start out close together, but end on separate paths.

While “paying dues to matrimony”, I never let go of my individuality and independence nor have I expected my spouse to change in that respect. I believe that in the perfect relationship, we should each feel free to be ourselves. We’d be able to do a lot of what we wanted to, but I assumed much of that would be together as a couple...that we would want to do things as companions, and at least take turns doing what the other wanted. But, it didn’t work that way.

I realize I’m not an easy person to live with. Yes, I get tired of being “nice”. And I expect to be able to say exactly what I think and express how I feel...to be me...at least with my spouse and best friends. This “politically correct” thing, in all aspects, infringes on my freedom of speech.

Having struck out with my hallucination of marital bliss, I wondered, “Why have the 'long timers' lasted?” I came up with the following reasons.

1. They do and always will love each other and are happy with their choices and circumstances.
2. They "honor the commitment" to each other on principle, for moral or religious standards, or other reasons instead of continuing to look for what they really want or need.
3. It never registers that they made a lousy choice in the beginning.
4. They marry and settle for what they have.
5. They aren't capable of taking care of them self.
6. They aren’t smart enough to know they aren’t happy!
7. Some stayed together for financial reasons.
8. Some stayed together for the sake (?) of the children.
9. They’re afraid they’ll be alone the rest of their life if they leave.
10. They are too lazy or comfortable to divorce and start over.

So, I’m not sure I should envy those long-term marriages, not knowing the reality of them. But from a distance, they do look good to the outsider.