Living

How can I live a life without regrets if I already have many uncorrectable regrets queued up by the time I decide to turn a new leaf? I’m attempting to figure this out for myself and have researched some ideas.

There is no such thing as a life without any regrets, but suggestions are available to help me move on.

Steps
1. Determine what the regret really is.
2. Analyze the regret and how it is viewed.
3. Accept the circumstances, as well as the consequences of holding onto the regret.
4. Grieve for the regret.
5. Forgive self or others, and make amends. "Fix" whatever can be changed.
6. Recognize what has been learned or gained. Look for the lesson and focus on it instead of what might have been.

I’ve been stuck on number 6 for a while, and may never get past it.

But there are certain actions that might help to accomplish these steps.
1. Write about the regrets.
2. Talk to a trusted friend or family member who can help identify fallacies in my thinking.
3. Visualize myself acting and doing things as I move forward and leave my regrets behind.
4. Seek out groups or a coach in order to modify behavioral patterns.
5. Do not minimize the regret. Accept it as it is and do not make it bigger or more powerful by dwelling on it.

I’m also trapped by the second half of number 5.

Just because I can’t let go doesn’t mean I can’t move forward. Suggestions to accomplish this include some or all of the following actions and thoughts.

1. Commit Yourself — Right now is the only life you have. Make an agreement with yourself to commit to being a participant, not an observer. Commit yourself to the process of finding and following your dreams, wants and desires. Live with intention. Live in gratitude. Live in the moment.

2. Make A List of Goals/Aspirations — It’s easier to focus on something tangible. Write out all the big and small action items. Start small with little steps. Make a solid plan for your future endeavors, such as travel, getting a raise at work, or finish writing that book you’ve been intending to write. Post the list somewhere visible or somewhere you can review the items often. Select the easier goals to accomplish first, to build some success momentum for the more difficult ones. Living a great life on your own terms is an enviable goal.

Cross listed items off as they are done, but do not remove the items. Being able to look at them together will be proof and a reminder of your accomplishments.

3. Break It Down — As you pin down each long-term goal, break it into smaller units. Completing one small task at a time will get you moving forward and on your way to that huge goal you thought you’d never meet.

4. Try New Things — List the things you would like to do. Add to the list everyday. Try something new each week. Try everything you want to try. Keep one eye on what you’re doing, and the other on your future self. Think about how you want your story to go in the future.

5. Remember Past Accomplishments — Keep a list of all the moments in your life you feel were accomplishments. What made you feel that way: the adventure, the opportunity to educate others, to help shape a community, learning about another culture, doing something new, achieving a goal, or working with technology.

Each experience should teach you something as both accomplishments and failures carry their own lessons. Keep a journal and notice when you feel the most proactive. Note these things and see if there are any common threads or directions that need further investigation. Keep track of the actions that further your goals and those that hinder them. Don’t let a nasty experience discourage you; learn from it. Note things you could have avoided.

6. Mark Your Calendar — Take charge and plan your social occasions. The way to make memories is to do stuff. The way to ensure you’re doing stuff is to plan your own social calendar. Be proactive.

7. Identify Proactive People — Make a list of proactive people you know. Spend time, collaborate, pioneer, and play with them. Make a vow to keep in touch with people who are important to you. Drop your dead weight. Some people just are not good for you. Don’t waste your time with toxic people.

8. Tolerate Nothing — What are you tolerating in your life? Is there a health challenge you are not addressing, a relationship you have long outgrown, or a home full of paraphernalia that is crowding you? If you are not being proactive in life you are being reactive. Take responsibility.

9. Build Yourself Up — Remind yourself of what you’ve done and what you’re capable of in the future. Relish in what you’ve accomplished to make your life fuller and less regretful. As you see yourself accomplishing your own goals, you’ll be motivated to tackle even more. You can accomplish great things with your life. Pump up your introspection.

10. Anchor Yourself — Keep little reminders of what you want all around you to remind you of your priorities...pictures and powerful quotes that remind you of what’s important. Life is lived in the everyday, so use your anchors to help you aim high in all that you do.

What is regrettable varies from person to person, and some things that cause regret are beyond control. There’s nothing that causes more regret than letting the good times slip by. Keep your eyes open to the world around you and immediately use the opportunities that come your way. Never lose sight of your goals and remember that balance is the key to success. Balance the accomplishments against the “what ifs”, the regrets. Most have heard and should reconsider the following.

1. ‘Tis better to have love and lost...
2. Dance like nobody’s watching
3. Live without excuses and love without regret

Do what you want to do. Go where you want to go. Be who you want to be.

I have my list. Now I just need to start.